What’s the similarity between a social butterfly and a lone wolf? They have both tasted loneliness. Loneliness is a state all too familiar. All of us feel it, regardless of our relationship status, sociability, living standards, or heights of success. Take comfort in that person who seems to have it all and knows loneliness as much as you do, even if they may never admit it.
Loneliness stems from our need for genuine, heartfelt connections with other people. No relationship or stage of life can guarantee to keep loneliness away. The wiser intention, then, is to learn to make peace with it when it comes.
Quick tips to ease loneliness
The most reliable way to cure loneliness may be a genuine connection with another person. You only need a few of those. Find people whom you enjoy spending time with. Nurture those relationships through thick and thin. And be kind to yourself when you have not found them yet – what’s worth keeping takes time.
It is important to remember that being alone does not mean you are doomed to feel lonely. Vice versa, being with other people whom you cannot genuinely connect with also does not chase your loneliness away. Having more people does not mean less loneliness.
How to start? Here are some quick tips:
– Join hobby groups and community events
Standup comedy at a bar, karaoke nights at a café, a hobby meetup, a community performance, a sports match, handicraft classes, volunteering, or local weekend markets – take your pick.
Preferably a place where interactions are easy or even encouraged. Even if you are not interested in the actual activity, being around other people enjoying the same fun gives you plenty of chances to connect.
– Nurture a few quality relationships
Select your ‘chosen’ people well. Do not let the fear of loneliness drives you to seek out incompatible people or enter toxic relationships. The loneliness of being in the wrong company feels worse than being alone.
Feeling like you need more than this? Read on for these specific cases of loneliness:
– When you are dealing with serious troubles
– When you are in a relationship
– After a breakup
– When you live alone
– In old age
How to ease loneliness when dealing with serious troubles
Addiction, bankruptcy, job loss, serious illnesses, abuse, discrimination – anything crippling you from fully functioning can make you feel desolate.
You may feel like you’re on your own, fighting your way through, trying to survive. Other people seem oblivious, blithely going through life while you are drowned in a quagmire. It may feel like no one can help you.
It may not be because no one cares; you may not want to let them know. Each problem comes with a stigma – the shame and negativity that scare you into avoiding the help you need.
Do you have hope that it will be better one day? Here are some things to do while braving the storm:
– Join support groups
– Be honest with the people in your life
Join support groups
The troubles in our lives are often more common than we think. Need proof? Browse the rest of this website, where we gather information about the support you can get in your state or nationally. Even if it feels lonely, you are rarely alone in having this trouble.
Joining a support group, or reaching out for help, is the next best thing to do. We do not guarantee your loneliness will be cured, but it is the first step to rebuilding your life.
Be honest with your loved ones
The disconnect caused by life-changing trouble may make you feel so shameful that you would rather suffer alone. And yet, these troubles have been, or inevitably will affect your loved ones. Does hiding it from them help?
Being honest about your problem is complex. However, the key people in your life could provide the most effective support to get you through this.
What if your relationships with them are strained? Carefully choose the person you have enjoyed the most rapport, trust, or honesty. Tell them first, and see how it plays out.
Remember that even if no one around you can help, you can always get help elsewhere (see the rest of the website).
How to ease loneliness in a relationship
Being in a relationship is supposed to make us feel less lonely. And yet, there are even more reasons for loneliness in a relationship. It may be our expectation that our partner can keep loneliness at bay, that when they fail us, we are ever more disappointed.
Here are a few things you can do to deal with loneliness:
– Talk to your partner about the cause
– Connect with other people in your life
Talk to your partner
It is challenging for some of us, but if you can only do one thing, do this. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner about how lonely you feel. Be as honest as you can muster, however uncomfortable it may seem.
Practicing vulnerability, which many experts have confirmed, is essential to building trust and intimacy. You last shared those things with your partner a while ago.
If talking about your emotions makes you squirm or find it hard to articulate feelings with words, then try writing down the main points. If saying it aloud is too hard, ask your partner to read what you have written down and go from there.
Try to use words that are true to your heart, even if they may bring up many other issues. To motivate yourself, consider these questions:
– How much does this mean to you?
– If you did not talk about the causes of your loneliness, what would be the likely consequences?
– Why have you kept this from your partner? What are your fears when it gets addressed?
– Are the fears scarier than the consequences of not talking?
When you find yourself answering yes, that means you are ready to have that talk.
What would happen?
Scenario 1: your partner would feel grateful for your courage to broach a difficult but long-overdue topic. You’d share vulnerability together. You may adjust your bad habits. You may consider couples therapy. When you open up to your partner, there is a lot you can do together to ease loneliness.
Scenario 2: your partner may be unresponsive or, worse, callous. It would hurt. But it would also help you see the relationship you are in.
The vulnerability works best when it is reciprocated. When it is not, clarity is your gain. Consider, again, the questions above to help you make decisions about what to do next.
We often assume that some problems are too big to be solved, but we have more options than we think.
Connect with your community
What if your partner knows how lonely you are but cannot meet your needs? Maybe they are thousands of miles away, work long hours, or need more alone time than you do. How do you avoid falling into resentment or codependency?
Are you the person who disappears into a relationship? If yes, then balance is what you need. Your partner does not have to meet all your social needs.
Reach out to other people who care for you too. Your friend group may be waiting for an update from you, or your family may wonder how you have been. Spend time with them; expand your life to include more than just work and couplehood.
How to ease loneliness after a breakup
Getting over a breakup means learning to live on your terms again. Some of us find relief in this, while others cannot fathom single life. A relationship breakup can be as painful as a broken arm or addiction withdrawal. Here are some ways to help you deal with loneliness at its worst.
– Stay away from social media (it’s your enemy now)
– Process the flood of emotions to move on faster
– Change your appearance as a signal of a new beginning
– Do the things you’ve always wanted to do
Stay away from social media
If your life is wrapped around social media, especially when you meet online, then social media is now your enemy.
You can ‘take a break’ from your ex and ‘filter out memories’ on Facebook. Consider taking a social media detox – temporarily deactivate your account, or switch to a different app.
Doing these could pose some inconveniences, but do you want a barrage of sentimental reminders that compound your breakup loneliness?
Process your emotions to move on faster
Who in their life has not been through a breakup? It is one of the universal aspects of being human.
Some people suppress their loneliness to prove they are strong and above it all. All that does is pressure the pain until it explodes.
Depending on the nature of the relationship and the breakup, it is normal to feel a confusing mix of emotions. Feeling them is better than numbing them. It also makes them go away faster.
How? Set out a time and place where you can process the emotional pains. It could be an intense workout, a solitary walk, a comfortable lie-down, listening to heartbreak music, crying, or anything that allows you to feel all the feels.
Expect to cry, shout, punch, or kick something. Name the emotions, and let them wash through you. The emotional deluge may feel raw and alarming initially, but it will solidify into strength.
Like a good workout, you would feel exhausted. It is normal too. These grieving sessions are necessary to ‘clean up’ the emotional debris of your breakup so that you feel a little bit lighter each time.
Weeks or months later, the flood of emotions ebbs away. That is when you have started to move on.
Change your appearance as a signal of a new beginning
Our looks, clothes, and daily things are potent reminders of who we are.
When a significant emotional connection dies, a part of you dies with it, making space for a new you. Within reasons consider changing how you present yourself: it could be a tattoo, jewelry, clothing style, hairstyle, glasses, or even habits.
When you look into the mirror, you are less often reminded of who you were with your ex. A different appearance reminds your heart to move on, one slow, painful step at a time.
Do the things you’ve always wanted to do
As long as it doesn’t hurt other people, of course!
In a relationship, especially a committed one, we compromise. We cannot always have what we want – we meet them halfway. We let go of parts of us that do not fit. Now that you are on your own, you can rediscover those parts.
Two likely scenarios:
- You have completely changed, whether you like it or not. But is it just because of them? It is part of your identity, too, and you have your way of living it.
- You miss that part of you that had little room to grow in a relationship. Now, you are free to live closer to your truth. It could mean breaking bad habits or leaving toxic people you would never have gotten involved with if it weren’t for your partner.
How to ease loneliness when you live alone
You are a lone wolf who cannot be sociable to save your life, or you are on your own for the first time in ages.
Either way, you find yourself going home to an empty place, begging to be filled with the presence of another person. Social media and online interactions cannot make up for the gnawing feeling of how lonesome you are.
Living alone has its benefits but could intensify the feelings of disconnect. What to do?
– Keep a pet, or get physically close to friendly animals
– Fill your place with sounds
– Practice gratitude for the blessings of living alone
Get close to friendly animals
Playing, hugging, and caring for a friendly animal has been beneficial for humans for centuries. Read our article on pet therapy for plenty of examples.
What if your accommodation does not allow pets? Here are ways to interact with friendly animals:
– Visit a farm, a horse-riding range, a pet café, a dog park, a pet fashion show
– Volunteer at a shelter
– Cat-sit or dog-sit for your neighbors or friends
– Get a dog-walking side job
– Join an animal rescue effort
Take comfort in an animal’s non-judgmental presence and their pure joy in being around you.
A word of caution: make sure the animals are friendly and enjoy human company. Follow the safety guidelines. For example, do not pet a working service dog.
Fill your place with sounds
Some of us are not afraid of being alone but of the dead silence where we can hear ourselves think.
Fill your place with sounds of nature, such as Earth FM, ambiance videos on YouTube, lively podcast exchanges, or your favorite playlists. The sounds of voices and activities may help you feel like you are in good company.
Practice gratitude for the blessings of living alone
Many people wish they could live alone. They wish they could arrange their things however they want. They hope they did not have to deal with someone else’s whims. Living alone, you boast that luxury.
It is not to make you feel superior to others – it is a reminder that living alone is a blessing many would feel grateful to have. Practicing gratitude like this is a much-needed shift in perspective.
How? Keep a gratitude journal – handwritten, a file, a recording, or an app. Essentially, this is a form of self-reminder. However you choose to remind yourself, the point is to do it regularly. You will be surprised at how lighter and calmer you feel after some weeks.
How to ease loneliness in old age
As we retire and age, the world we once knew seems to fade away until we find ourselves unable to fit in. Our body and mind lose their capabilities, making us feel isolated, ever more so by the media’s obsession with youthfulness.
What can you do to age gracefully?
– Prioritize social support
– Find a new purpose
– Look after your physical and material well-being
Prioritize social support
There are many things to secure when we retire, such as our retirement fund, a safe home, our wills and estates, regular healthcare, etc. In making these choices, consider putting social support at the top of your list.
How can you quickly get help from someone close by? Your immediate community is likely the most accessible source of support you can get.
Find a new purpose
Your old age does not have to be a waning epilogue of the life you have lived. Since now all you have is time, look for a new purpose. What is the thing you have always wanted to try? Perhaps an old hobby back when you were too busy to pursue? As much as your health allows, go for it.
Many seniors have found new joy in community activities or hobby groups. Now that you are free of the constraints and reputation of working life, it can be easier to build a new identity that is truer to who you are.
Look after your well-being
Your physical and mental health is the top priority now. Your health allows you the independence and capability to do what you want. Make sure to attend your regular doctor’s appointments, take your medications, eat well, sleep well, and be as active as you can manage. Take care of your body so you can keep going for decades.
Read here for how to protect yourself from elder abuse by home care aides.
Why even get help for loneliness?
Some of us accept that loneliness is a part of life – living with it seems more manageable than trying to escape it. While it is inevitable, too much loneliness may lead to depression. Our brain registers prolonged loneliness as physical pain, which may deteriorate our mental health.
Therefore, it is okay to feel lonely sometimes, but not always. One single genuine connection with another human being (or a friendly animal!) may be all you need.
