How to Be Happy Alone?

In the United States and elsewhere, loneliness is being viewed as a type of health epidemic. 

People describe their lonely experience as “wandering through a void of nothingness,” “a constant physical emptiness in their chest,” or “a dull ache in their stomach.”

Loneliness is so commonly felt that it may be the only thing that people from all walks of life can relate to. How do we deal with it in healthy ways? Can we even thrive being alone?

Let’s dive into this article to answer those questions.

When does being alone mean being lonely?

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. The key factor that makes the difference is how we feel. Let’s see which scenario below applies to you:

1. When we are alone but happy, we are not lonely. This is when we enjoy our own company.
2. We can be lonely even when we are not alone. This is when we cannot connect with the people around us. Our relationships do not make us happy.

In short, we only feel lonely from the lack of connections, whether with others or ourselves.

Loneliness is a lack of healthy connections, not relationships

Scores of people claim to feel lonely even when they have friends and family. These “not-alone-alone types” struggle to resonate with those around them but are unable to fulfill their need for heartfelt connections.

Their relationships have often made them feel betrayed or abandoned, thus nailing a barrier that renders their interactions forced or toxic.

Yet, they find it hard to stay off these toxic relationships. The fear that stops them from moving on often asks: they are already lonely in a relationship. How much worse would it get when they had no one at all?

We all have different tolerance for other people’s company. The extroverts among us draw energy from this. On the other hand, introverts tend to recharge by being alone. Many of them seem to naturally have a higher tolerance for solitude, with some choosing to be alone to be uninhibited.

Then, we have the reluctant lone wolves. They have settled for being on their own, having given up the struggle of forming secure and genuine connections with others. They are either languishing in prolonged loneliness or have learned to enjoy their own company.

Therefore, when we ask, “How can we be happy alone?” we do not mean how to stop being alone. We seek ways to enjoy our company without desperately seeking others to stave off loneliness.

Here are some tips for building healthy connections with just a few special people, including yourself.

Stop doing these things

Things to stop doing so you don’t make yourself feel worse:

Stop comparing yourself to others

Walking on the street, you see people strolling in pairs or groups. They seem to enjoy each other’s company, smiling, talking, their bodies touching. You crave a relationship just like that, even though you have no idea what it is like for them.

• They may crave your solitude and freedom, but you would never know.
• They may feel betrayed, cheated, or hold little trust for the person next to them, but you would never know.

The main point is: do not compare your worst with someone’s best.

Stop doom-scrolling on social media

It is another abyss of comparing yourself with others.

Everyone has done it, and most are still doing it.  You know as well as anyone that these posts are far from reality. Go back to the last time you posted on social media, and recall the following events that eventually led you to doom-scrolling in the first place.

Social media is like a drug addiction.  Get off it while you still can.

When you find yourself doom-scrolling again, use all your willpower to stop. Put down your phone. Do something else with your hands. Get active. Get a squeeze ball. Go for a drive in the car with the music playing.

The next time you go on social media, find a supportive community to connect with instead.

Stop waiting for someone to do things with you

Do you wait for a friend to eat together in a restaurant?

Do you stop buying movie tickets because you don’t go to the cinema alone?

Do you keep looking at that bar, thinking if only you had a person to enjoy a drink with?

Do the things you want to do without waiting for someone else to do them with. At first, it may not be as enjoyable, but it proves you can give yourself pleasant experiences without needing someone else. And the more you do it, the easier it gets.

Tips to be happy alone

To make the most of your solitude, explore these helpful tips designed to enhance your enjoyment of being alone. Each suggestion is crafted to help you build a satisfying and self-fulfilling lifestyle.

Okay, we have gone through what NOT to do.

Now, what do we DO?

Let’s repeat: loneliness is the lack of connections, not company. Genuine, heartfelt connections are still essential to being happy alone.

However, it takes time, effort, and some social skills to find your peeps—those with whom you can build fulfilling and enduring relationships. It requires personal growth and emotional intelligence for both you and others.

So, here are some tips to get started:

Forgive yourself for being alone

Many lonely people report that they feel there is something wrong with themselves. Since our culture celebrates pairing up and having a support system, it sends an implicit message to the lone wolves that being alone is abnormal or undesirable.

Humans are social creatures, but building social connections can be stressful and emotionally challenging for many of us. We feel wrong about being unable to connect to others, and our shame about loneliness pushes us further into isolation.

It can turn into a vicious cycle. To stop it, we may start by learning self-compassion and by forgiving ourselves for being alone. Whatever reason leads you to feel lonely, it is okay. The reason does not define you, nor does loneliness represent you. This is a temporary state that everyone goes through.

Loneliness should not be stigmatized as a failure because of one’s emotional state. Let go of this social stigma and make peace with the present moment—of who you are, alone or otherwise.

The first thing to alleviate loneliness is to accept it as part of being human.

Get to know yourself

You know your favorite color, weekend playlist, comfort food, and go-to outfits.

But do you accept yourself so wholeheartedly that you don’t mind spending periods alone?

Admittedly, sometimes it can get boring. But how do we prolong the stretches of alone time so that we come out of it having gained an insight into ourselves rather than depleted?

[WellenssTip]Self-Knowledge Is Earned: It has been said by philosophers and spiritual leaders for centuries that the path to wisdom is through self-knowledge. Being a seeker of truth rather than following the crowd distinguishes a person’s character. It is also a less-taken path, so it can be a lonely but deeply rewarding path[/WellenssTip]

Here are a few things you can do:

Express yourself

Your options are varied. You do not have to write if words are not your thing. You can journal, draw, play music, make something, or dance. Get a pet and go out and play catch the stick..

The point is to give your inner voice the space and time to speak up, knowing that it is safe because you will be there listening to it.

The point is NOT to do it for an audience. For now, you are doing this entirely for yourself.

You will gradually become much more familiar with the voice inside your head. Asking the soul-searching questions is an excellent opportunity to build a better relationship with it.

It’s good to have emotional depth. Truth-seeking through contemplative meditation is a great source of peace and joy, as it allows one to have an emotional connection with life.

Ponder deep questions

Remember the 36 questions that can make you fall in love with anyone.

How about asking yourself those questions?

You may not have all the answers right now. That is okay. Even better, searching for the answers means having more things to do on your own.

Find something fun to do on your own

These are usually things you used to enjoy but stopped doing because you entered a different phase of your life. For example, maybe you used to play basketball with guys before you met your former spouse, but you stopped because they thought you were too old to be playing with your friends in the schoolyard. And while we are on this subject, you might want to read our article on how to emotionally heal from divorce.

Let’s rekindle the flow that once enriches your alone time. It could be something as simple as a walk through a neighborhood you used to enjoy or watching a comedy in a bar. You may want to opt for the activities that would put you among a small crowd to maximize your chance of connecting with someone naturally.

Get a pet

A pet may be a suitable companion if you have had a painful history with people. If your accommodation allows, consider adopting a dog, a cat, or any animal that would make you feel like you want to take care of it.

Learning to care for one would be a pleasant diversion from loneliness if you have never had a pet. There are plenty of good YouTube channels for pet lovers to get started.

Dogs and cats have been known to provide therapeutic comfort for their humans. Many people find the routine of living with a pet enjoyable and encouraging. They feel motivated to get up and care for their animals – things they would not do for themselves – such as running or cleaning up.

Our interactions with cats, dogs, and horses sometimes mirror our interactions with humans. You may feel better if you could tell a sad story to your dog, who listens to you attentively.

If a pet is out of the question, consider keeping plants. You do not have to have a green thumb—in fact, for most of us, simply learning to keep our plants alive would require hours of research and trials.

Connect with people having gone through similar experiences

This may work for you if you yearn to have someone with whom you can share experiences that have deeply impacted your life or who you are.

There is a reason why grief counseling and support groups work: they provide a space where you feel safe to share your pains without judgment from others. Your pains resonate with theirs, and together, the group develops ways to cope and recover from grief.

Grief is just one among the multitudes of experiences that make us humans. In addition to grief support groups, consider other groups of people who have gone through the experiences you want to share. They provide good listening ears and a supportive sounding board because they know first-hand what it was like.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

–       In-person meetups:

• Psychological-led support groups
• Take a break from the grid and go boondocking
• Therapeutic Dance
• Join a Yoga class

–       Online communities:

• Alternative social media, such as Mastodon

• Discord and Twitch groups for video gamers

• Browse the collection of online communities on the Hive or Unita.

Make sure to protect yourself from scams, online or in real life. Here is a good guide for safety tips.

Trying to find people who may want you could feel like a huge hassle. We carry such inertia when we have been drowning in loneliness. However, it is also ironic that we long for the connections with people we reflexively avoid. This irony exaggerates our loneliness.

If you push yourself out of your comfort zone, you will likely find a community of people already doing the same things.

So, would it be worth it? You can only know by trying it out.

Reconnect with an old friend

Admittedly, some old friends will probably ignore you because they have moved on with their lives or you did not part on the best terms.

But if you have even one person whom you wish you could have spent more time with, it’s safe to reach out.

Do you still remember their faces? Social media has made it possible to keep in touch with old friends without interacting with them. Seeing their lives through a filtered lens on social feeds differs from chatting with the person.

They may still hold fond memories of your time together. It may be good to rekindle such positive feelings, if only as a conversation starter. Some people find it heartwarming and flattering when an old friend reaches out to them – they may feel nostalgic.

Seeking support from family members or friends can foster a strong sense of belonging, even when you feel lonely. Whether it’s spending time outdoors to breathe fresh air, engaging in self-discovery through new activities, or simply practicing self-care through meditation, each step is crucial to building meaningful social interactions and enhancing your overall well-being.

Check your negativity bias

Chronically lonely people tend to expect socializing to go wrong. They are haunted by memories of disconnection, broken relationships, misunderstanding, and pain. These memories make them sensitive to signs of rejection, even going so far as to anticipate them. Ultimately, this self-fulfilling prophecy influences their actions, leading them to isolate themselves while blaming others for the isolation.

You could be swayed by a bias whenever you think something must be true despite no apparent evidence.

When you realize a possible negativity bias, it is worth pausing the blame for a while. Interaction is a two-way street. Other people have indeed made you feel isolated, but at the same time, see if you have set yourself up for disappointment in the first place.

Nurture the hope that some people will accept you for who you are, but you may have to undergo some changes before you meet them.

For example, your social skills have gotten rusty if you have been lonely for a long time. It could be high time to polish them, for instance, by striking up a conversation with someone waiting in the queue with you at a café. The conversation may go nowhere, but it is a small drill to temper the fear of socialization.

Taking time to practice mindfulness can greatly enhance your mental health and overall well-being, helping you become your own best friend on this personal journey toward greater self-esteem.

Engage in regular self-reflection to better understand your mental health needs, and remember, spending time alone is an opportunity to nurture a relationship with yourself, strengthening your resilience against low self-esteem.

Myths about Being Happy Alone

Myth #1: Extroverts can’t be happy alone.
Reality: While extroverts love social interaction, they can also find peace and growth in solitude by connecting with themselves.

Myth #2: Being happy alone means rejecting relationships.
Reality: You can still have meaningful relationships and connections while prioritizing your happiness during alone time

Statistic: Loneliness is a health risks, it is as deadly as smoking up to 15 cigarettes daily.

Ultimately, we all need meaningful connections

Some people have been lonely for years. They have various reasons – having suffered a life-changing and disabling injury, financial hardship, divorce, etc. Despite many efforts, they intimately know what loneliness feels like but cannot escape it.

This does not have to be you.

We all deserve to live a good life, a life true to ourselves. One crucial part of that life is our meaningful connections, whether with our original families or our chosen loved ones.

Chronic loneliness can be crippling, but try your best to take the leap of faith anyway. Seek empowerment through healthy connections with your people who deserve your best effort.

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