The Loss Of A Family Member
We are all individuals with different life experiences. We also respond differently to profound emotional challenges. This is especially true when it comes to how family members emotionally respond to losing a loved within the immediate or extended family.
Grieving As a Family
The destabilizing influence that grief can exert on a family should never be underestimated. Particularly when a dominant older figure dies, the entire family’s emotional equilibrium is disrupted.
If grief is intensely painful and emotionally turbulent for adults, it can be more so for children, who are less equipped to understand the loss.
Strained Relationships
Relationships can become strained as the grieving family members struggle to establish an emotional balance individually and as a family.
Strong bonds within a close-knit family won’t necessarily make restabilizing the family unit easier. In fact, regaining that sense of emotional unity may be more challenging to regain.
Emotional Disputes Between Family Members
Avoid letting heightened emotions lead to harsh words that you will likely regret later.
Sensitivity to everyone’s feelings is essential when a family is grieving the loss of a loved one. For this reason, it is helpful if all the family members are included as much as possible in helping with making the arrangements. Families can be brought closer together around the death of a loved one, but they also get strained and fractured by the experience.
An experienced grief counselor can work with the family members, both alone and as a group, to help them work through their grief and acknowledge their family bonds while learning to accept the changed family dynamics and regaining their own life’s momentum.
Does my Child Need Grief Counseling?
Trying to overly shield children from honestly expressing their feelings about a loss may be confusing and ultimately detrimental to their emotional well-being.
If grief is intensely painful and emotionally turbulent for adults, it is even more so for children, who are less equipped to understand it. Also, depending on their age and maturity level, a child may be deeply affected by seeing the grown-ups in their lives openly grieving.
Still, the experience of losing someone you love is something that can’t be hidden away. We must learn how to grieve in a healthy and meaningful way. Again, depending on the child’s age and maturity level, it is usually best not to insulate children from the grieving process.
Grieving is a natural, healing, and necessary process.
Talking About Death With Their Children
In the regular course of living as a family unit, it is not uncommon for family members to discuss among themselves a variety of sensitive social and personal issues, yet there is a tendency to close down when it comes to talking about death, particularly in the presence of children.
While it is natural for parents to want to protect their children from emotionally challenging subjects such as the loss of a loved one, in truth, it is an unavoidable reality that most of us will experience in our lives.
A Valuable Teaching Moment
Discussing the topic of death and grieving can be a valuable opportunity for parents to teach their children. This is especially true when a loss is anticipated, such as when a family member has entered the hospice stage. Being able to have a meaningful discussion before the death can clear the way to a greater acceptance of the grieving process.
At the time of death, it is not unusual for a parent to be so grief-stricken that they cannot give their children the support and instruction they need in dealing with their own emotions.
Consulting With a Grief Counselor When Death Becomes Imminent
A proactive approach may include consulting with a grief counselor prior to the death. Grief counselors can also coordinate their work with the adults, suggesting ways they can support the children. For instance, they can help you with how to discuss the funeral or memorial services with the children.
Depending on a child’s age, attending a ceremony may be very beneficial, but the day’s events should be fully explained to them in advance. A grief counselor might suggest that a young child attend a church service but not an actual interment. Admittedly, whether children should attend the funeral is ultimately a very personal decision for a family.
A grief counselor can offer a balanced perspective based on their training and experience. If a child will not be attending the funeral, it’s often advised to arrange for a close friend to look after them, especially if you are concerned that you’ll be too distraught to care for them.
Children Need a Sense of Belonging
There are many ways to include a child in the event of death to allow active participation and a sense of belonging. If the child is old enough, it may be therapeutic for a child to write in a journal and to help prepare for a reception after the service. It is crucial that they feel respected, needed, and included.
Parents Openly Expressing Their Own Grief
Some children may be emotionally shaken by seeing their own parents grieving. While this can be difficult for the child, they cannot learn about the grieving process without seeing it. To try to shield them entirely from an honest and loving emotional reaction to loss may be confusing and, ultimately, unhealthy for the child.
If the loss of a loved one is anticipated, adults may fear they will be so grief-stricken that they cannot give their children the help they need. A counselor can help the children understand and deal with loss and grief — both the event and the grief their parents express.
A Proactive Approach to Grief Counseling
A proactive approach, including consulting with a grief counselor early on to work with the children, may allow a family to avoid trouble later. Grief counselors can also coordinate their work with the adults, suggesting ways to support the children. For instance, they can discuss why funeral or memorial service arrangements.
Whether or not the children should attend the funeral is a personal decision of the parents. Depending on a child’s age, attending a ceremony may be very beneficial, but the day’s events should be fully explained in advance. A grief counselor might suggest that a young child attend a church service but not the actual internment.
Being Honest With Your Children
Ways to include children in the grief process with emotional safety
It is natural for children to want to talk about death and ask lots of questions. The answers should be truthful and presented in a loving way.
Making up explanations for a young child who is wondering why a loved one is no longer around, such as telling the child that grandpa went on an “extended vacation,” is not only confusing but can also instill in the child a lack of faith in the adult to be truthful with them and resent them for it later in life.
Sharing Grief with Teenage Children
Teenagers are at a particularly vulnerable age. Treating them with respect by including them in family decisions and allowing them to share in your grief can deepen your bond with your child.
On the other hand, make sure to recognize that they may seek solace with their circle of friends as well as their own family. You should encourage your children to express their emotions in a way that is most meaningful and comfortable for them.
Grief Counselors
Should you have additional questions or would like to consult with a Grief Counselor consider contacting a verified counselor online.
