Penicillin For The Soul
Ending a committed relationship is often fraught with anxiety and regret. We learn that you and your former partner would be much better off if you offered the other understanding and respect – even if you honestly believe your partner had wronged you in some way.
This is the challenge, and it’s also the place where going through rocky experiences can teach us valuable lessons. Here is what you should consider if you want to end the relationship without unnecessary pain or chaos and with as minor damage as possible.
Avoiding Drama
If you intend to leave a committed partnership without harming each other and without regret, you need to make a conscious effort to forego all forms of “drama” in the departing process.
This is not the time to expose deep frustration or bring up painful memories. Breaking up is unfortunate enough; drama only makes the situation worse than it needs to be.
In ending your relationship, it is best not to hurt, damage, or offend another.
Be In Communication
Remember this age-old axiom? Do unto your former partner as you would like your former partner to do unto you. Karma is a natural consequence of vindictive behavior. As well as good behavior. Karma is our cosmic feedback loop.
If this was a serious and loving relationship, intentionally not returning your partner’s phone calls (or text messages or e-mails) ruins your opportunity to bring closure to an already difficult situation. No breakup is ever easy.
Try not to make the following mistakes
Playing The Blame Game
Even if you feel your partner is entirely to blame for the failed relationship, don’t make breaking up about how the other person ruined it.
The ending of a committed relationship does not necessarily have to be a bitter experience. No one needs to be judged nor rendered guilty by the other.
Causing Confusion If You Want Closure
When you end the marital relationship, it is usually helpful for you and your partner to acknowledge that the marriage has officially ended. In fact, without some expressed form of shared acknowledgment of this fact, hope can creep in and keep the previous relationship alive.
Remember, the goal here is to gain as much emotional closure as possible and begin to move your life forward again.
No, You Can’t Be Just Friends – Most Of The Time
When ending a committed relationship, do not send mixed messages to your partner. Completing anything usually means the beginning of something else. But that new beginning should include something other than the individual you have broken up with. Don’t signal that you would consider some alternative form of relationship, such as a platonic friendship. These rarely, if ever, work, and they tend to keep the whole nasty ordeal alive and kicking.
Don’t Assume Hostility
Deciding to end a marriage does not and should not mean, ipso facto, you are now each other’s sworn enemies, even if it’s true that love and hate are the opposite poles of the same powerful emotion. If you are one of the few humans that can place consciously place themselves at the center-point of opposing poles, the sacred place of the observer and chooser behind your emotions, then be thankful in knowing that grace has been kind to you.
There is rarely a justification for being hostile to someone you once cared about. Give yourself some time to heal. Take some time off to be with friends and family. Start something new and keep focused on what’s ahead of you rather than what you are leaving behind.
Balancing Compassion With Self-Compassion
Having compassion is an expression of our need to understand that life is full of beauty as well as painful challenges, and it’s no coincidence that each tends to follow the other.
Try to understand how your partner might be feeling about ending the relationship. Empathy and engaged listening lets your partner know that you are sincere and care about the other’s emotional well-being. Be compassionate, but don’t let yourself get emotionally drawn back into the relationship.
Keep Moving Foward
Remove All Visible Signs Of The Relationship
Most romantic relationships include the collection of gifts and personal mementos of the relationship. Each of these things contains some degree of emotional charge that connects you to the memories of the relationship.
No matter how much you love a painting, piece of jewelry or article of clothing, if it comes from your ex-partner, it will tug at you at a subliminal but intoxicating level. Acknowledge this and remove all visible signs of your partner from your home, office, or car. This is why there is self-storage.
Create A New And Powerful Life
Great time to journal and walk through new doors. Contact old friends, write in your journal, and work on the inward journey. Chances are, there is much to write and think about after concluding a committed relationship.
Through romantic relationships and dating, we can learn something new about ourselves. In the long run, this helps us develop a richer and more expanded perspective on our life.
Finally, don’t forget to laugh. Laughter is known to heal more wounds than penicillin. So take your medicine and enjoy your life!
