The emotional impact of a divorce affects not only the parents but the child as well. Preparing how best to work cooperatively as co-parents provide both parents with a common goal that is based on the mutual love they have for their child.
Not only will the child benefit from having strong and compassionate parents, but the love the parents have for their child will also be a healing force in the lives of the parents.
Couples that divorce but continue to work cooperatively as parents offer their children the best chances for a healthy adjustment to the divorce.
This article offers constructive suggestions on how to accomplish this, along with the importance of developing a co-parenting plan.
Benefits of Developing A Parenting Plan
Co-parenting allows a divorced couple to work together to create a fair and thoughtful parenting plan. Creating a comprehensive parenting plan will benefit all involved, especially the children, diminish some of the challenges of divorce, and encourage positive long-term relationships generally.
Putting The Childs Best Interests First
Co-parenting requires a conscious decision by each of the parents to put their children’s emotional well-being first and before their own when creating a co-parenting plan.
Staying Active & Engaged In The Child’s Life
In most divorce cases, parents want to remain engaged and active in their children’s lives. Even though the divorced spouses now reside in different locations and homes, the children still need to know and feel that they are loved unconditionally by both parents.
Parenting Plan – Basic Elements
Ideally, a well-drafted parenting plan is not a static document etched in stone – but rather a living and changing agreement about how best to share the custody of their children.
The purpose of a shared parenting plan is to allow for the resolution of the following different types of parenting issues:
- Custody and visitation amount and frequency of child support
- Medical needs of children
- Religious upbringing
- Holidays
- Special events such as birthdays and special occasions
Cooperative and Supportive Parenting
Perhaps nothing is as essential to a child of divorcing parents than to know that their parents do not hate each other. Children can think they were somehow responsible for their parent’s failed relationship.
This impression is formed when the parents fail to communicate clearly and respectfully with each other. The child becomes confused and begins to internalize the conflict between the parents.
Studies have shown that children with cooperative and supportive parents make a much better adjustment to divorce than uncooperative parents.
Therefore keeping the peace is vital to your child. Where there is an emotional conflict between ex-spouses, try your best to take the high road whenever possible with your ex-spouse, and make sure you keep your children out of it.
Suggestions To Consider When Co-Parenting
- Be polite and respectful to your ex-spouse, especially in front of your children.
- Always keep your support and alimony payments current.
- Never ask the children to deliver the support check to the other parent.
- Keep financial issues such as settlement terms, child support, and alimony far away from the children.
- Never prevent the child from visiting the other parent – especially when the child asks to spend time with the other parent.
Adapting to Changed Circumstances
The child needs care and love from both parents to ensure the child is going to have a healthy adjustment to the changed circumstances. Each parent should play an essential role in their children’s lives. It is important to recognize that each parent has something unique and valuable to offer their child.
Keep in mind that parents usually do not have identical parenting skills or approaches to raising their children, which is one reason why putting together a detailed parenting plan is so beneficial.
Keep in mind that the child did not cause the divorce
Both parents need to clarify to the child that neither parent is rejecting the child and that both parents care and love the child and want to make decisions that are in the best interest of their child. This works best if you also show your child that you trust their ability to adapt to the changed circumstances and that everything will turn out well for both the children and the parents.
Post-Divorce Counseling
If you have concerns or questions about how best to co-parent, given your current situation, consider meeting with a verified licensed therapist to assist you. Counseling after the divorce can be helpful in developing your post-divorce co-parenting skills and assist you in creating a workable co-parenting plan.
