Post-Divorce Dating – Trust And Fidelity Issues
If trust and fidelity were an issue in a previously committed relationship, especially if that relationship ended in divorce, you would likely have suffered severe emotional wounding.
Even if you had been divorced for years and irrespective of whether you were the one cheating or being cheated on.
Whether you are conscious of it, the chances are you will have developed a hyper-sensitivity to infidelity that will carry over to new relationships.
This article focuses on you creating a clean slate on how to respond and communicate with a new partner on issues of infidelity.
Loss of trust in a post-divorce partner
When one or both partners no longer value truthfulness as an essential value in their relationship, the loss of trust soon follows.
For almost all partners, fidelity is a promise that goes to the essence of the relationship. Partners want the other to be truthful with them. When truthfulness suffers, so does the loss of trust in the other’s willingness to keep their promises. The stress and depression this causes can reach intolerable levels.
If you sense cheating is going on, your imagination can run wild. Painful thoughts start running through your head. Yet, within this emotional chaos, you need to ensure you don’t aggravate the situation before you have the chance to improve it.
Let’s consider the scenario where you are accused of cheating.
How To Not Make A Bad Situation Worse
If your partner suspects you are cheating, even if you’re not, you certainly don’t want to make the matter worse by spending a lot of time socializing, even if it’s your job to entertain clients and establish new business relationships.
This will only fuel suspicion and make it harder to convince your partner that their fears are ungrounded.
Instead, you might want to consider:
- Taking your partner with you to some of your business social events. Having your partner join you at such events can make a bold statement of inclusion and demonstrates your deep connection with your partner to others.
- Set some time aside and spend a romantic getaway together. It doesn’t have to be a fourteen-day trip to the Greek Islands. It could be a weekend away where your focus is entirely on your partner.
Reassure Your Partner Of Your Sincerity And Commitment
We should point out that the above trouble tips assume you have NOT cheated on your partner.
If you have cheated and you still value the relationship, you really only have two paths:
- Admit the infidelity and admit you were wrong
- Ask for forgiveness and promise it will never happen again
The Consequences of Having Cheated
There is no question that your relationship will suffer from this breach of trust, which may take years to recover. Depending on your partner’s love for you, the relationship will either endure or end.
A line has been crossed:
Someone may love you immensely but still be unable to forgive and trust you, especially if your partner has already been betrayed by infidelity in the past.
- If you truly value and love your partner, you must promise that it will never happen again and do everything you can to focus your time and attention on your partner with authentic gestures of love, compassion, and kindness.
- There is still no guarantee that your partner will remain with you, but you have been truthful with your partner and did everything you could to repair the damage that was done.
The truth is infidelity goes to the very core of who we are as human beings, and the proof of this can be found in the words of wisdom and wit over the past centuries.
Quotes on Commitment and Infidelity
“Perhaps that’s what it all comes down to. Love is not a surge of passion but a choice to really commit to someone. No matter the obstacles or temptations that stand in the way…” –Emily Giffin
“Never esteem anything as advantageous to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.” –Marcus Aurelius
“When I say ‘I will be true to you, I am drawing a quiet space beyond the reach of other desires.” –Jeanette Winterson
“Then again, you cannot stop the flood of desire as it moves through the world, inappropriate though it may sometimes be. It is the prerogative of all humans to make ludicrous choices, to fall in love with the most unlikely of partners, and to set themselves up for the most predictable of calamities.” –Elizabeth Gilbert
“Do we really mean it when we say ‘in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do us part, or do we add a silent clause, ‘unless you shame me or disappoint me?’ What is the cost of unconditional love, and how capable are we of giving that?” –Deirdre E. Parker
Source of Fidelity Quotes: Goodreads.
